Fashion Victim Tutorial: How To Make An Annoying, Painfully Trendy T-Shirt D...

Sent to you by Rio via Google Reader: Fashion Victim Tutorial: How To
Make An Annoying, Painfully Trendy T-Shirt Design via Princess Sparkle
Pony's Photo Blog by Peteykins on 7/12/10
Gather 'round, kiddies, because I'm going to help you strike it rich!
I've been meaning to devise this tutorial for well over a year, and I'm
distressed that it's still valid.

OK, you want to make an irritating t-shirt? First of all, it has to
feature wings (THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL) and really should include a skull.
Let's start with a pair of wings; it doesn't matter where you steal get
them:


Why are the wings such a requirement? I have no idea. Don't question
me! Basically, the overall vibe you want is caduceus meets tattoo
design + random crap. Like I said, a skull is optional but why take the
chance of not including one? Look, Alexander McQueen died for you, OK?
Place your skull:


Next, you need to add some sort of element reminiscent of Rococo
tracery or shapes found in fleur de lis motifs (resist the urge to use
pseudo-Maori "tribal" elements; the 90s are over). I'm just going to
dump in a simple example of the latter:


Now you need some more-or-less random crap in the background. I
strongly urge you to use old-fashioned handwriting:


DO NOT pay any attention to what the handwriting says, because madness
awaits down that road. OK, it's time for some color. Stick to
grayed-down colors, burgundies, mustard yellows, dull greens, burnt
oranges, etc:


OPTIONAL: why not use some metallic ink? It'll look like absolute shit
after only one washing! OK, now we're ready for the shirt itself. It
should be either black, burgundy, or dull army green. Think drab:


Now it's time to place your design. Here is a crucial point: even
though you've just made a symmetrical work of "art," DO NOT place it in
the center of the shirt. Make it look like the garment was just tossed
haphazardly under the screens:


Not shown above, but crucial nonetheless: sandpaper your silkscreens a
little to give them a totally phony "distressed" look.

Last step: contact the buyer at Nordstrom Rack.

Obviously, these are all suggestions (BUT NOT THE WINGS! THEY ARE
REQUIRED!), and this is a highly-simplified example (not nearly enough
random crap) but I'm sure you'll agree that the tutorial above will
help you make a t-shirt so trendy, so incoherent and badly-considered,
that you will be rolling in money in no time.

You're welcome.

UPDATE: After completing the above from memory, I thought I'd check
Urban Outfitters to see if I could find a good example, and was
astonished to find this meta-ironic version:


I swear I didn't see that before writing the tutorial. Points off for
symmetrical placement, though.

UPDATE: I also didn't previously see this obnoxious Ecko design, which
includes every single motif suggested above:


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